Lately I have been feeling myself slipping into a funk, not depression, just a funk. This happens occasionally to me and it's usually in the winter when I am not getting enough sunshine in my life. It has been a little rainy and gray lately but not enough to cause the funk.
Yesterday I had breakfast with some wonderful ladies from our church. I honestly felt like I was just going through the motions and not really feeling totally there. I came home and the girls and I ran errands still feeling like part of me was just not there. That part of me was probably in the bed with the covers pulled over my head. I mentioned to a close friend that I felt like something was wrong with me. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. The day progressed and things stayed the same. I put away all the cold items from the store but left the rest in the bags scattered all over the counters. After fixing lunch for the girls I found myself sitting watching Netflix and dozing in and out until I heard my husband come in. Nothing had been planned for supper and groceries were still everywhere. I left my husband and girls to their own devices and went to JoAnn's to purchase the rest of the material for Kaitlyn's quilt. I came home and dinner was taken care of and some of the groceries had been put away. Jef needed to run out and I stayed with the girls, continued my Netflix, and picked up my crochet. After Jef's return he and the girls took the guinea pigs out for their nightly run. (Have I mentioned we now have guinea pigs?) The nightly run is quite entertaining but I stayed in my little nest on the couch until I could hear that it was time to get the cage clean and put them up. Recently the guineas have figured out how to climb the fence of their play area. I came in just as this was happening and thankfully was able to grab Tallulah just as she was climbing onto Kaitlyn. They become very squirmy when they are ready to get back to their cage and as I was putting her into her cage she tried to jump out of my hands into the cage and got her foot hung in the door. She was able to free it quickly but not without hurting herself. This is where the straw broke the camel's back for me. I flipped out! I mean flipped out! I had a full meltdown standing in front of that cage looking at this little hurt guinea pig. I start to sob and freak out, the girls are completely stunned and staring at me and Jef is trying his hardest to get me to calm down because I am scaring the girls. I finally leave the room and hide myself in our bedroom and lose it.
Jef came in a little later to check on me. I am still sobbing, so he does what any amazing husband would do. He collects me into his arms and reassures me everything will be ok. After a few minutes he looks at me with his hands on my face and says, "This isn't just about the guinea pig". He was right. It was about everything. It is about the possible pending surgery for Jef's knee, it was test results from my mother, it is about the girls' new rooms that are so close yet still not done, it is about an upcoming birthday party for the girls, it is about two little girls starting the 4th grade very soon (4th GRADE!), it is about all the projects that I need to do and want to do but don't have time for, it is about decisions that I need to make and can't, its about groceries all over the counters, its about groceries that I still need to get, and it's about a hurt guinea pig.
I did manage to get control of myself and thankfully it seems that our little guinea is ok. We will watch her carefully but it seems she maybe be a little stronger than I am currently. I have mentioned my type A personality before and my need for control. This is what happens when I try to control too many things on my own. The force is not always with me. HA! I always take on too much, the problem is that sometimes I forget that I need to talk to someone about what is going on. Bottling things up only causes problems and meltdowns. I am so very thankful that I have a husband that hasn't run screaming for the hills because his wife can be a nutter sometimes. He stands by me patting my head, telling me everything will be fine, and puts away the groceries.